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Yo Momma’s so old

May 28, 2012

I’ve heard the saying, “40 is the new 20” a hundred times since I started trying to conceive at the ripe-old-age of 37, but the reality is, I’m forty―forty-freakin-years-old. I still can’t believe it. I remember being 12 and thinking “How old will I be in the year 2000?” I was 29 then, and that was 12 years ago (a bit ironic I bring this up now). I’m a mom. Never imagined being a mom back then and now I’m a forty-year-old-mom.

Not sure if you know this, but women are born with all of the eggs they will ever have, so a forty-year-old woman has forty-year-old eggs. What this means is that those eggs are old too – and the older an egg is, the more likely it is to develop some type of chromosomal abnormality (why it’s important to take your prenatal vitamins). Men, on the other hand, continue to make fresh sperm forever, as long as they live. Another plus to being a man (but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post).

Luckily, today there are a myriad of prenatal tests that can help determine if your child will be affected by your archaic eggs. Tests you can choose to have, or not.

I often think about the differences between young and old moms. Young moms leave their kids with a sitter so they can go out clubbing with their friends. Older moms leave their kids with a sitter so they can take a nap.

But seriously, there are advantages to being an older mom.

  • Patience – Older moms tend to be more patient.
  • Financial Stability – Older parents are typically able to better provide for their children financially.
  • Better Role Models – Older Moms have been around the block. They tend to be more confident with themselves and are better able to explain life to their kids.

But still, as I think about it, the reality sets in I realize that I’m going to be 58 at my daughter’s high school graduation. I can picture it now….her friends, teacher and even the janitor will, oh-so-sincerely say…”Oh, hey Summer, is that your grandma? Why isn’t your mom here?” At least I have a few more years to come up with a clever response.

For my fellow oldies – Here’s a couple of “Yo Momma” jokes to take in so that you, too, can prepare said clever response.

Your momma’s so old…

  • she left her purse on Noah’s Ark.
  • Jurassic Park brought back the memories…
  • when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
  • she still owes Moses a dollar.
  • when she was at school…there was No history class!
  • she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea.
  • she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
  • when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock.
  • she even made Yoda jealous.
  • she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
  • the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake.
  • when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
  • she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade.
  • her first job was as Cain and Abel’s baby-sitter.
  • her birthday expired.
  • when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
  • she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.

From → After, Before, During, Funny

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